It's not getting any better.

When the women that Jay sexually assaulted confronted him he seemed to be genuinely surprised. He promised to stay out of their lives until they were ready to talk to him about it again.

I don't think he understands the seriousness of these allegations, or the hurt he has caused. He doesn't seem to realise that they are scared of him now, and that he has hurt them deeply. I don't know what to think about this. 

To add to all the rest of this shite, I miss him. I miss him so much that I'm tempted to see him again, even though what he's done is terrible. I've realised that I care a lot more for him than I thought I did. It sucks arse. I just want to be able to forget about it all and pretend that everything is ok. 

Then what? Do I ignore this behavior and tell myself that this will never happen between us? Do I shut the door in the faces of those women who were brave enough to tell Pete and trust me with what had happened? 

I can't do it. But the prospect of shutting Jay out of my life completely is too hard to bear right now. I still need to hear his side of this, to know what is going on inside his head. Fuck.